The Man Code

Now there is something every man understands; the Male Code. Women just don’t understand the part of the men’s code that comes right after ‘farting is a perfectly acceptable form of entertainment’ and just before ‘sex in between innings is a great way to bond.’ There is a strict protocol for a particular occasion and no normal man who understands the responsibilities of being a man would even dare think of veering from the expected behaviour required. To do so would be un-manly.

It doesn’t matter how it occurs or when. It could be during a contact sport like hockey, football or rugby. It happens more than you might think in other sports such as baseball, tennis, and soccer (yes soccer, on this side of the pond). It has even been known to happen during golf, curling and maybe even bowling, although no one wants to admit to that one. It might have happened during a darts game but that would make a game into a blood sport. Darts like most grocery shopping trips, should not fall under contact sports.

There are even times when it happens outside of the sports world. You could be playing with your kids and then wham! Or maybe helping out around the house, or even just minding your own business. But whenever it happens, ladies please for once and for all, learn the code and understand the drill.

Guys are never going to show any empathy, sympathy or anything resembling care. First it would certainly be un-manly. Second well it’s actually pretty damn funny when it happens - to someone else that is. When it happens to you it is less amusing no matter how many others are rolling on the floor laughing their asses off.

How can you men be such Neanderthals? How could you not feel something for the other guy considering what you have in common?

Well, it’s very simple. We just don’t care because it didn’t happen to us and we find it absolutely amusing to see it happen to someone else. It feels great to have dodged a bullet in a manner of speaking.

So no girls, the next time you see poor old Eddie, or Steve, or Dave or Mike, or Chris rolling around on the ground in agony, we will not care. When Matt, or Kevin, or Rich, or Pete are unable to breathe because they had the wind knocked out of them and the pain is simply too great to describe, we won’t be commiserating with concern. We will be laughing our heads off. It didn’t happen to us.

Any time some guy gets hit in the nuts, no matter how and no matter how painful it might be, we will smile and take part in the guy’s code that says laugh away for those gonads are not yours. At least not today.