Ned knew that voice. It was a voice that grated on the small nerve that ran up from the base of the neck up through the back of the head and into the temples and sounded like coarse sandpaper on a chalkboard. The nasally tones pierced deep into Ned’s brain accompanied by a clanging sound a guy with a very full bladder makes when he pees into an empty metal garbage can. Ned adopted the just ignore it and maybe it will go away approach, but today was just not his day.
“Hey, Ned. I thought that was you. What are you doing all the way out here and who the hell is that guy?” Just what this scene needs; Percy A. Dunther. Make that Percy A. Dunder and you can come up with your own favourite ‘a’ word.
“Oh, Percy. Didn’t see you there. Just out for a walk.” Ned fished out another cigarette while Percy tutted.
“Just out for a walk, huh? Well that’s just fine, but don’t you think it would be better to quit that nasty habit. I mean you are taking years off of your life.”
Good. The sooner I croak the less time I have to spend with you. Ned never looked up once in case his thoughts gave him away.
Percy continued nattering away, seemingly oblivious to the dead guy at his feet.
“Yes sir. Those cancer sticks will do you in every time. When I think of all those guys down at the lodge who have left us far too soon. Let’s see, there was George, Fred, Reggie, Stan, Donald, Bob, and.” Percy’s fingers flicked out with each name in his morbid role call.
Ned looked out of the corners of his eyes to the dead guy. For a split second Ned figured that if anyone could kill somebody by being a pain in the ass, Percy was just the man for the job. That’s it. Open and shut case. Percy must have come along here last night and blabbed on so much that the poor beached bugger simply keeled over from being stabbed with the insidious notes of conversation uttered by Percy. Ned grinned to himself as he pictured writing up such a report and handing it in. It was, what did the kids call it these days? A no brainer. Kind of like Percy.
“You know Ned, there aren’t many like us left (don’t you dare count me in as your species Ned fumed to himself) and we’re dropping like flies. Pretty soon our kind will be long gone.”
Ned tuned out Percy and started thinking about the dead guy. The left man boob was lodged into the sand; the arms were flopped by the side of the body. Waves continued to tickle the guy’s feet, that is, they would have tickled his feet had he not been sent to the great beyond. But it was the seaweed that continued to raise Ned’s curiosity. Why would anyone go to such trouble to arrange seaweed? Perhaps it was some kind of message.
Turns out there weren’t many rival gangs fighting for beach turf, but maybe this was a warning of some kind to someone. Just as gangs could use colours or the mafia could cut off ears, maybe this seaweed business was the calling card of some nut job. Ned’s thoughts were shattered like frozen peanut brittle as Percy continued to fill the morning air with his caterwauling.
“Now, it’s just as well that old Bob went to that great woodcarving shop in the sky. I mean between the smoking and the sawdust, he just wasn’t long for this world. Might have been a blessing after all. No sense hanging around and overstaying your welcome. When you consider that old Victor is still here and refuses to go anywhere and he is about as much fun as itching powder at an underwear convention.” Percy chuckled, no he guffawed at his statement. He was one of those old guys that laughed at the end of just about every sentence. As in I went to the bathroom today, ha ha! Or I can’t find my glasses, ha ha! Ned tossed his cigarette butt away and heard it sizzle as it collided with the wet sand.
Whatever the case, at least the dead guy was blissfully unaware of Percy and his inane ramblings. But Ned could have sworn that he heard someone chuckle and mutter no shit Sherlock when Percy finally stopped in mid sentence and looked down at the sand.
“Hey, who the hell is that guy? Is he a friend of yours? How come he’s so quiet? Do you think he might be dead?”
chapter 3 to follow
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