Sometimes Emily, Sometimes Guiyuan

Guiyuan, today she was Guiyuan, skipped along the street just a little behind her grandmother on the daily shopping trip. Grandmother chatted to all of her friends so there were several stops along the way. It was up to Guiyuan to amuse herself, but obediently, for there was the promise of a sweet pastry at the tea shop.

Guiyuan loved Mr. Li’s tea shop. He never tired of the little girl who had decided that everyone should have two names. That way you always had a protector to look out for you. Mr. Li spoke to her like a grownup; he never assumed how he should address her. Every time he saw her, he had a big smile and a special greeting.

“And good morning to you, lovely lady. Please have a seat. And how are you today, Miss...?” Mr. Li always asked and patiently awaited the answer.

“I am Guiyuan, Mr. Li!” Guiyuan’s eyes shone with a mischievous innocence; they were like two ebony pools.

“Aiya! How silly of an old man to forget! Will you have your usual sweet today?”

Guiyuan had her special favourite sweet pastry. So did Emily.

Sometimes I am Guiyuan, sometimes I am Emily.

Guiyuan chose the name ‘Emily’ because it sounded pretty. When you said it, it was like singing a song. It was the perfect name to adorn like a cloak that sheltered you for the cruelty that other names brought.

Actually, Guiyuan was a wonderful name and she loved it. Until her other grandmother said it, always with a hint of disdain. Guiyuan had no idea what disdain was or what it had to do with her, but she still felt, and it didn’t feel good. It was like when you were really bad, breaking something special bad, and the adults sighed the language of disdain and exasperation. Guiyuan knew that feeling, right down through her stomach and on down to her toes. It hurt and made your tummy feel funny.

But Emily was able to make the other grandmother say her name in a prettier fashion. There was less disdain in the voice, and it made Guiyuan feel special, if not loved, but special was better than a queasy stomach.

Emily helped out Guiyuan a lot. People raised their eyebrows and that made them look funny, like a bunch of owls. Emily’s laughter disarmed even the most mean-looking adults with their faces that looked like they had been pinched by fingers dipped in lemon juice. Emily was charming. Emily could break through the white fence barriers, if only a little, to allow Guiyuan’s toes to gingerly step over the lines, planting her feet in the other world which was hers anyways.
Guiyuan was the one who loved adventure and singing, compared to Emily’s love of cunning charm and reading. Emily was the one who reined Guiyuan in enough so that Guiyuan wouldn’t float away in a giant balloon to some far off place from which she could never return. Emily’s charm reminded everyone that she was in no hurry to leave, and Guiyuan made sure they tested the waters now and then.

Grandmother motioned for Guiyuan to follow. She never had time for this Guiyuan/Emily business, just as the other grandmother didn’t. Neither of them cared to get to know the part of their granddaughter that they feared to face. Was it not enough for the medical student daughter to hook up with the economics doctoral candidate? Sure the educations were a perfect match, but no one consulted either grandmother about the union of two worlds.

And then a child!

It was amazing to Emily how she could be so celebrated and disdained at the same time. Guiyuan tried to figure it out once, but decided it wasn’t worth trying to understand adults when there were frogs to chase and ropes to skip. Who could decipher their silly language anyways; their faces weaned on sour pickles, their masks of polite but furious protectiveness?
Leaving the tea shop, Guiyuan winked at Mr. Li, who was one of the few adults to understand. But that’s also because she brought him no shame, only big smiles.

Skipping along the sidewalk with the warm sun comforting her already burden-heavy shoulders, Guiyuan recalled last week when grandmother brought her to the little play group. It was that stupid kid with only one name, like all the others, who told Guiyuan to go play someplace else; she didn’t belong.

“My name is Emily and don’t you forget it! Now I will skip rope with Caitlin so get out of our way!” Head held high, she headed toward the group of girls.

Sometimes, Emily was a girl’s best friend.